Wet cats, PCs and MACs, and rain

I'm living in fear of the cat suddenly appearing and jumping on the keyboard. It's raining outside, nice and warm inside, and the last thing I need is a wet cat on the desk.

My mood wasn't too good this morning and is still not stable. I've got fears, most of all about the future. But the future isn't here yet, and today, I got it pretty good. No boss, no whackos at all, no obligations. Got hot coffee, we were shopping, fridge is full, everything's okay.

The MAC I'm using has a habit of swallowing the return keys in some other text programs I'm using, so the whole well-structured text I've worked so hard on becomes one big mass of letters that no one would like to read.

And the cat. Where is it? Makes me nervous not to know where this sweet little animal is and what it's up too. Maybe upstairs in my bed, getting dry ...

There's this little robot in my head that can take every situation, however good it is, and turn it into something difficult and frightening. If there's no mentally ill coworker, let's come up with financial worries. If there's no timetable to watch, let's invent a wet cat. And if there's no unpleasant mail to be answered, let us try missing return keys on a MAC.

And yes it has already thrown in the idea I should call my mother.

Why is this? As if we had some sort of machine that makes sure we never feel too good, or good at all. Is it ancient? Perhaps if we got too happy we became an easy prey for the sabre-toothed tigers.

It could be the family and early childhood experience. My parents were never particularly happy people. They just managed, but joy of life seemed to be for someone else, not for them.

But shouldn't adults get over this fast?

My guess is it's also human history. All the desasters that we've been through, where is a safe place? 

We're living in a world today where we could change a lot of things if we wanted to. I'm living in the first world, but it IS bothering me to know that other human beings live in misery and poverty and slavery, and go hungry and, nowadays, thirsty. This knowledge is always in the back of my brain.

Human beings are a network. We are interconnected. No one is separate. I can only disconnect myself from the network at the expense of my own emotions, that is, I have to shut down somewhat. And whose joy of life goes down the drain, then? Right.

The fall of the iron curtain still costs me money every day, sure, but that is ridiculous compared to the knowledge that millions and millions of people are free nowadays to go where they want and do what they want. It's a disgrace to keep people behind walls. And undoubtedly human development goes in he direction of freedom for everybody, and free development.

I can't change the world today. I can't even change my mood, I have to ask God as I understand him to do it for me. But we have to go forward with small steps like that, and I have to believe things are getting better. And there is this old-fashioned God still at work helping us out here.